Grief is a complex monster. One that can so easily crush and all too often is not easy to understand, comprehend or live with. Trauma wields the same sword of truth.
However, don’t ever think that grief or trauma have exclusivity at the top the list of hurt and pain. Sometimes the happiest of memories hurt the most.
Living with trauma and grief is like living in a bad relationship. A world where two realities exist. One where you pretend that everything is alright. You pretend so well, that you even convince yourself, unaware of how deep the crevice of life that you have fallen into, actually is.
The other reality, the harsh and unforgiving one, finds your heart just constantly and endlessly screaming in pain. You live with a hollow in your chest, an unbearable weight on your shoulders and a lump in your throat. Your eyes well up at the slightest unknown trigger and you cry, often without knowing why.
Tears are a function that allows the mind to overflow, when emotions fill and flood the bucket within us. Tears allow the soul to purge, when our mouth cannot say the words that express how sad, damaged or broken we feel.
Don’t ever rush your healing. It takes time. Don’t pretend to be okay when you are not. Definitely do not apologise for feeling broken. We are emotional beings that have a breaking point. Limits of endurance, before we finally crumble and fall.
Healing is reaching the realisation that we will never remove the damage. Healing doesn’t make the damage disappear. What it does, is allow us to regain control again. The control that the damage took from us. Healing means the damage and it’s aftermath no longer controls our lives.
One day, your story will no longer be about suffering, grief or trauma. One day your story will be a powerful one, where you guide others and enlighten them on how to handle the self destruction you face today. Your story will become someone else’s survival guide.
Understanding what tried to destroy you, is the first step to survival. It’s never about getting over it. It’s about learning to live with it. Others can be there to support you, but only you can face your demons alone. Search for yourself again. Find solace in your own solitude.
Emotional scarring creates mental and physical exhaustion. You will feel tired. Bone and soul deep fatigue unlike anything you have known before. Sleep if and when you feel the need. But remember that sleep alone doesn’t help, when your soul itself is exhausted. But it’s certainly a start.
Allow yourself to process and allow yourself to heal. Allow yourself, instead of denying yourself. Most importantly, take your time. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.
Sometimes it’s simply fine if the only thing you do today is exist and breathe.
It’s fine and acceptable to say “I’ll be okay, just not today.”
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